Ask Uncle Fred #23
Hey Uncle Fred,
There is something rotten in the state of Denmark. As you know, we had an Interclub with those folks from Kentucky, the Possum Trot Malletmen, and I have been wronged once again! My opponent lined up a jump shot with Blue and made it. The only problem was it was Black’s turn to play; he played his partner ball! Even I know that’s a Rule 10.5.2 violation. Given where the balls ended up, I chose the ball swap option. I was lining up to play Yellow when Ezekiel (yes, that was his name) said, “Ahem, you do realize old chap, that my jump shot counted for me?” I decided to reply in the local vernacular, “Jumpin Jehoshaphat Zeke, what in tarnation do you mean, have you completely gone round the bend, you hit the wrong dad-gum ball!” Their referee backed him up. Talk about home cooking! I was so mad I almost returned the three cases of bourbon I had generously purchased. Say it ain’t so, Joe!
Signed,
Croquet Rock Star
Dear Croquet Rock Star,
Thanks, CRS; we won’t be invited back to the Bluegrass state anytime soon. Big surprise; you are wrong. If a ball swap situation applies, any points scored in the last stroke are counted for the owner of the ball that scored the point. Rule 10.5.6 (c)
You sure you weren’t dipping into that Kentucky brown water before the match?
Signed,
Uncle Fred
Author’s note: you guessed it, Possum Trot is a real town in Kentucky.
Ask Uncle Fred #24
Hey Uncle Fred,
We haven’t been doing too well in our Interclub competitions, and we lost another one last week against those folks over at Monkeys Eyebrow, Kentucky. As you know, I am good friends with Jim Harbaugh, who is being unjustly persecuted by the NCAA for things he didn’t do while coaching at Michigan. Don’t get me started. Anyway, we were sipping some bourbon (I have a lot, want to buy some?), and he suggested a way we might even the odds. He showed me a way to modify my AirPods so that he could relay me strategy during the match. Things were going great till my unworthy opponents started to get suspicious. I told them they were to just block out outside noise, but they said something about my reputation preceding me. I was given the choice of forfeiting the match or wearing an aluminum foil hat, which I was told would also protect me from alien mind probes and government spying. Well, the jig was up, so we forfeited. I’m beginning to think I got hoodwinked. Should I have protested?
Signed,
Croquet Rock Star
Dear Croquet Rock Star,
What do you have against those good folks from Kentucky? To answer your questions:
1. Yes, I think Jim H. got caught with his hand in the cookie jar.
2. No, I don’t want to buy any bourbon.
3. Yes, you are in violation of numerous rule infractions. No reference to written or electronic information during a game. Rule 14.2. Players being responsible for maintaining good standards of behavior. Rule 16.1. No tactical advice from outside the game. Rule 14.4.
4. I do think you should stick with the aluminum hat. Alien mind probes would explain a lot.
Signed,
Uncle Fred
Author’s note:
-Yup, Monkeys Eyebrow is a real town in Kentucky.
-Please no hate mail from Blue Nation regarding Jim H. As a Florida Gator, I have no dog in that fight.
-Thanks to USCA member Joyce Eggleston for suggesting this topic.
-Thanks to USCA member and native Kentuckian Briggs Stahl for the town names. He once dated a girl from Possum Trot!
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